I have never been one for new year's resolutions. It seems to me that people make them for the sheer joy of gleefully breaking them again. But this year, I've felt a little differently.
Whether for the slim chance that it might incentivise a genuine health kick (read weight loss) or the fact that having given up smoking two weeks before the new year seems somehow odd and something not to be admitted to, I feel as if the year has come to give it a go. 2011. 'Ah, 2011', I'll say when I'm old and grey, 'that was the year that I gave the new year's resolution a go'. Because I am confident that whether it is a monumental failure, or a life-changing moment, it wil be one of those two. I don't want a half-hearted, 'meh, it was ok...' response. I'm bored of lukewarm.
Maybe that's what really prompted the resolution kick. Being bored of my own lukewarm attempts to better myself. For example, I have given up smoking a total of 6 times in my life. And yet, what did I do last month? Give up smoking. It's not even as if I just can't manage it. I get through the hard bit: the jittery, edgy tone, the unreasonable moodswings, even the gaining of a few extra pounds. Then, 6 months later, I'll start again. No real reason, I'll just 'feel like one'. And off I go again.
I had to get a new passport recently, and I think that may have sealed the deal. Looking at my old passport photo was like dying a little bit inside. I am 17 in it. I am slim, with a clear complexion, over-kohled eyes, and a serious 'I'm not a bitch, I'm just not allowed to smile in this picture - oh, ok, you got me' attitude. Flick to the new passport, and I look like the defeated mother of a chaotic toddler. Given that I am neither defeated or a mother, this is rather distressing. I look older, yes, and I can deal with that. Looking older is ok, but looking uglier? That's not.
I want to get back to the 17 year old. However, realising that such a thing can never be achieved, I'll settle for bounding back down to a reasonable dress-size, toning up some unecessarily squishy bits, and investing in a better make-up kit.
Sorted. The only teensy bit that worries me is my lack of will power... but one quick passport comparitor should set me straight again.